I believe that with this now famous poem, Fritz Perls was trying to help people rid themselves of the excessive and guilt-based demands that people often make on themselves and one another.
I do my thing, and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you and I am I, if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
Fritz Perls
However, what he wrote became vulgarized into a call for emotional irresponsibility. In essence, it supported the belief that we are not responsible for the way others feel.
Another source for that belief is a particular interpretation of Buddhism which also deeply influenced the human potential movement in the U.S. It claims that we must strive to disconnect our emotions from the actions of others.
Whatever its source, the belief that we cannot make one another feel is the high point of emotional illiteracy.
Years ago, I was so disturbed by the misguided implications in Perls’s poem that I wrote a response to it:
If I do my thing and you do your thing
And if we don’t live up to each other’s expectations
We might live but the world will not survive.
You are you, and I am I,
and together, joining hands, not by chance,
We will find each other beautiful.
If not, we can’t be helped.
